Freedom of Punching People in the Face

I don’t understand people. I’ve been told my entire life it’s always wrong to hit people unless they hit you first. It took a while for me to absorb that message because I quickly become angered and violence sends a clear and concise point. However, I have grown to accept and treasure the respect earned when you sharpen your wit to be more dangerous than any sword. Respect and fear are two different and opposing ideals.

I’m sure if you’re tuned in to pop culture or have a Twitter account you know where this is going. This past weekend, everybody’s favourite homosexual gossip blogger, Perez Hilton, was attacked in Toronto (shit hockey team = shit city) by the Black Eyed Peas’ Will.I.Am’s (real clever name, fuckface) friend or manager or whatever – it’s not really the point. The point is how everyone’s reaction to this pisses me off completely.

Radio hosts, bloggers, twitterers, Facebook-status-commenters – pretty much anyone with a computer has joined to form the majority opinion that Perez had it coming: that he deserved to get punched in the face for bashing the Black Eyed Peas. Remember when we all called for Chris Brown to be put to death because he hit Rihanna? How come violence is accepted sometimes and not others?

Yeah, Perez is an asshole. He’s mean and insensitive. He’s objective, though: I remember him writing that he liked Fergie’s solo album and he says when he thinks she looks good. So he got punched for saying the new BEP album was crap? It is crap. I don’t give a shit how hard they worked on the album. They’re artists in the mainstream and when you do something shitty you get told that it’s shit by the people who’s living is made by telling people what they think. If you don’t like Perez Hilton then don’t be part of the millions of people that read his fucking website.

Perez Hilton made a comment a while ago that the name Miley was gaining popularity amongst newborn babies and he said he felt sorry for them. My daughter’s named Miley – she was born 4 months ago. Am I going to punch anyone who questions my child’s name? No. What do I give a shit? I make fun of a lot of people. That’s what’s so fun about all those people who have died in wars so you can have the Internet, and masturbate to weird porn, shop for funny t-shirts and make fun of the Black Eyed Peas and their shitty fucking music and Will.I.Am’s stupid fucking name and the fact that he was in Wolverine – a cheesy, poorly done comic book movie that was a stinky pile of shit (Why the fuck did Stryker have to type ‘decapitate’ in that fucking 1986 computer? Why didn’t he give Deadpool a standing order to just kill Wolverine whenever he felt there was an opening to do so? Why did he have to cut his head off if he could have stabbed him in the heart? What about the precise timing needed to kill a highly-trained mutant wasted by ridiculous two-fingered typing?)

Anyways, why am I getting so worked up about this? Because after keeping myself from hitting people for so long I’ve realized that everyone’s is stupid and below me and to show that I’m going to physically deliver that message to anyone who crosses me because if Perez “had it coming” then so do a lot of you. I’m not saying I’m going on a crazy GTA –like spree… just some solid jabs and crosses.

So to all of you in the United States of Hypocrisy celebrating your freedoms on July 4th (and Canucks on the 1st), when you’re thawing your meat for your barbecues save some to put on your eyes because you’re officially on notice.

PS I once did backstage security for the BEPs in Montreal. If I ever get my hands on a time machine Will.I.Am is getting dropped like a sack of bricks – you too, Fergie.

My Homage to Celebrity

Last night, my friend Harley and I were kicking around with some LEGO and my camera and came up with a (what we think is brilliant) stop motion animation. Most people seemed to enjoy it, despite some of it’s technical difficulties, like the white balancing which I didn’t feel like fixing in Photoshop for all 200 frames, and the piece of paper showing up on camera-right near the end.

Anyways, our video is pretty provocative, since it “stars” The Joker taking pills. This obviously isn’t too bad in and of itself, but it plays on the fact that Heath Ledger, the late actor casted as The Joker in the upcoming Batman film, died recently from an overdose on prescription drugs.

I’ll be the first to admit the lack of tact in the video, and I mean no harm or disrespect to any who might be offended, but the intent here is not to ridicule the deceased, but to show how someone can be built up so much that they lose control of themselves and when they collapse we just hover around like vultures until we dispose of, and forget about them.

The video pretty much is trying to say that even though we feel sad when tragic events occur, all most people do is put an “RIP _____” in their IM screen names, and after a few weeks most will never think of what happened again, although to the people whose lives are affected – all the shit they had to go through will remain forever.

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